Learning the Hard Way

One of the most important lessons I've learned through my recovery journey with Shane, is the power of our words and actions.  They have the ability to destroy an addict, just as easily as they have the power to heal. Unfortunately, I learned that lesson the hard way.

Watching a loved one struggle with addiction was hard.  Plain and simple.  It was hard watching a person I've known all my life slowly turn into someone unrecognizable.  It was hard watching the "Shane" I loved be replaced by a selfish, self-absorbed addict.  It was hard watching my children struggle and mourn the loss of their dad, and wondering if the wounds would ever heal.  It was hard trying to make our lives look completely "normal" so outsiders wouldn't see the shame and pain I felt inside. This was a whole new level of hurt for me that I wasn't prepared for.  I felt betrayed. I was angry and resentful, and I fought back.   I resorted to many methods of defense that quickly back-fired--accusations, nagging, tears, hysteria.  I tried to guilt-trip Shane into getting help.  I wanted him to be healthy and happy, but I think deep down I was more concerned with making my own pain and my family's pain go away.  I was so focused on my own hurt that I never stopped to think about the hurt that he must have felt, the guilt he already carried, and the shame that had to be absolutely crippling.  And so instead, I ended up pushing Shane further and further away.

     It didn't take long for God to show up and help me see that I was wrong.  I was reminded that He taught me a completely different skill set--one that I had forgotten.  Tolerance, kindness, patience, courtesy, humor, and LOVE.  When I focused on these things, I soon realized that the person I knew and loved had not been replaced.  He was just trapped.  And nothing I could do or say was going to free him.  So I stepped away from the wheel and let God have my pain.  I focused on showing love in my words and actions and learned to rely on my faith that God could handle things.
     Addicts don't need to be reminded of how out-of-control their lives are.  They don't need to be reminded of their guilt or the pain they've caused.  They live with it every day, and our words and actions can be killers that ultimately take them down.  Instead, show them the love of the ultimate healer--Jesus Christ--and watch the transformation take place.  Trust in Him and His timing. I promise you won't be disappointed.