I was on a run yesterday and came
upon this tunnel. As I ran through it, I
started to think about how it was a bit symbolic of my life. I love this picture because it shows a couple
different things. First, it shows a tunnel
and what little boy or man doesn’t love a tunnel? Tunnels are often thought of as dark and damp,
in a low point, or a deep hole and I can remember many of those points in my
addiction, my prison term, and my life.
Second, it shows the bridge above the tunnel. This bridge is a full of sunlight, life, and
is the high point in this picture. A
bridge symbolizes help, connection, and a partnership of sorts as it connects
one side to another. No on wants to live
in the tunnel, yet we all hear sayings such as let’s help each other bridge the
gap. Bridges are good and light, and
tunnels are dark and lonely. Tunnels represent the valleys in my life and bridges
represent the hills.
There are many times in my life
in which all I saw were tunnels. There
are also times in which I’ve experienced the light, the power, and the
connection of those bridges. This blog
isn’t so much about the tunnels and their darkness, nor the light from those
bridges. Nope, this is about my perspective
in experiencing both the darkness and the light and what better way to explain my
perspective of both than a couple good-old fashioned prison stories about how I
see GOD’S GRACE IN BOTH.
I recently shared how mad,
frustrated, and angry I was with Judge Dean Young when he sentenced me to four
years in prison on December 18, 2015. At
that time, I thought that he was killing me, but come to find out, the exact
opposite was happening. He, as promised, was trying to save my life. MY LIFE. . . the life I had all but thrown
away with my addiction was being saved by a trip to what’s best been described
as hell on Earth - - PRISON. I can still
feel the deflation, the shock, the pain, and the anguish. I was led out of the Courtroom where I practiced
law in shackles and headed to prison.
This is when I was taught my
first lesson in how God sometimes uses our pain as his megaphone to get our
attention. See, I had tried to get clean
on my own many times before and I could never chalk up more than 6 months clean
and I thought that was a miracle. So, I
headed toward that tunnel of my life and something started happening - - I
started praying, reading the Bible (free on the inside version), and listening
to who I hoped was God. I wish I could say that I was healed and immediately
released from this tunnel, but that’s not my story. I stayed 17 months to the day and it was odd because
not only was this the longest tunnel of my life, it was also the best bridge I ever
walked on. In that tunnel and on that bridge, one day at a time, almost imperceptibly,
I healed. I learned that my
circumstances don’t change the character of God and more importantly I learned
that where you are doesn’t define who you are.
That awakening saved my life because I finally was able to admit defeat
and surrender my addiction, my pain, and my will to God.
It’s been said that if you want
God to do something new, you can’t keep doing the same old thing.
So, I was first introduced to God’s
grace in prison, BUT NOT BEFORE he really got my attention at the Blackford
County Jail. The day I was sentenced, I
was immediately transferred there because my brother, Kyle Beal, is a Sheriff
Deputy for the Grant County Sheriff’s Department. I am still in shock when I wake up the next
morning and immediately start planning the World’s biggest pity party. Luckily, I didn’t have much time to
accomplish that goal as the Jail staff immediately made me a trustee, which I know
from being an attorney is a good thing.
Everyone wants to be a trustee and I thought God was just showing me his
favor since I was an attorney, an important person, and this was all just
likely some big mistake (LOL). Trustees
normally get treated better, have more freedom and privileges, eat better, and
get contact visits. I am thinking, “Great!
I can do this! Wow, would you look at that nice bridge!”
That was short lived as I was
mopping the main hallway, Judge Young comes to Jail to get his car washed. No, they were not having some local car wash
fundraiser for the High School Band. He
came to have the trustees wash his car.
To have ME wash his car is all I remember thinking. I thought you have got
to be kidding me. This man just ruined
my life and sentenced me to four years in prison and now you want me to wash
his car? This was the second BUT, GOD moment
from the Judge because I was like HELL NO.
SO, I washed his car. . .
As Kyle Idleman says, “Sometimes
God shows up and sometimes God shows off.”
Finally, this picture symbolized
my life because there have been many tunnels and just as many bridges. I now can keep them both in perspective. In the tunnels of my life, I’ve learned to
bow my head and pray to the God who sees me there, and in the bridges of my
life, I look up and praise the God who placed me there. (Thank you Tauren Wells).
God’s grace saved me on that day
in December of 2015 and again when I washed that car, when I was in solitary
confinement, and countless other times since.
The greatness of God’s grace
means that I don’t have to have it all together or try to convince myself that
my tunnels are not that bad. The truth
is my tunnels were worse than I ever care to admit, BUT GOD’S GRACE is greater
than I could have ever imagine.
C.S. Lewis said, “Begin where you
are”, and I did that and do that every day. Whether I am in a tunnel looking
down or on a bridge looking up, I know that all things work together for His good
and for His plan in my life.
If you are struggling, it’s okay…help
is only a prayer away.
Thank you for reading and please share this on your Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram page.
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