Keep that door shut

A couple of days ago 35 months of living one day at a time came and went and I didn’t notice it that day.  Funny how recovery works like that at times and at other times it is the most difficult thing that I face during the day.  After a lifetime of substance abuse and addiction, it doesn’t seem possible that I am living my best life - - sober.  I just left my third meeting in as many days and I am reminded of how far I have come in my own recovery journey.  I am grateful each day for my sobriety, for the relationships that have ended, and for the ones that have been healed.  I am grateful for every door that has been opened and for the ones that my recovery has told me need to stay closed - - forever.  There was a time when I couldn’t imagine not being around certain people, various lifestyles, and driving down the road of addiction.

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There was a time when I didn’t know who I was as a person.  There was a time when I didn’t know who I was spiritually - - was I even a soul worthy of love and happiness?  There was a time when I didn’t know who God was and if I did catch a glimpse of Him, I didn’t think what He had to offer was for me.  I was too far gone.  A hot mess.  Too much of a sinner.  Too many mistakes.  Too many flaws.  I was at the end of me… I walked into the rooms of recovery not knowing myself or who God was, and I found both in the faces and the voices of the people just like me.  For that, I am forever grateful.

Enough of that rant for now.  I am going to talk about humility today.  I think a lot of people see humility as weakness, a mark of helplessness, and even as public embarrassment.  I think our society has labeled humiliation as a failing, a loss, or a mishap.  I see humiliation and humility as two very different and distinct things as I think humility is the ultimate sign of strength and as the perfect version of love and kindness.  I see humility as leading to a peaceful surrender and a pervasive sense of gratitude.  Humility breeds connection, kindness, peace, service, and kinship.  It takes what I have each day and makes that enough.  Humility is being at peace in everything and feeling that same peace when I have nothing.  It is being okay with not being okay and staying in the HERE, the NOW, and the PRESENT.  What in the world does that have to do with Recovery?  I thought you would never ask…

If I am humble, I will never stumble.

Stumbling can lead to relapse and a relapse leads to prison or worse, death.  So, humility is the key to my recovery and to my life for that matter.  If I can stay in prayer and stay in the present than I can remain humble.  Humble to me is recognizing that I don’t have all the answers, that my God does, and that I might as well let Him take the wheel and drive this bus.  When I was driving the bus, I would tell you it was great as I am driving on bare rims, with no brakes, and completely out of control.  That is humility to me: giving God the keys to my life.  That means that humility is the ultimate example of strength.  Admitting my limitations and allowing someone else to be in charge is surrender and ultimately is THE sign of strength.

 Humility is:

·       Admitting I don’t have all the answers;

·       Asking for help;

·       Being uncomfortably honest especially when it is painful;

·       Taking good care of myself daily;

·       Talking about my feelings;

·       Not worrying about yesterday as I can’t change it;

·       Being in the present and not worrying about tomorrow;

·       Trusting in the slow work of God and understanding that where I am TODAY is exactly where I am supposed to be in accordance with God’s plan in my life;

·       Accepting past mistakes and NOT focusing on them because when we focus on our problems we lose sight of our source of power and strength.  Humility is placing all my trust in God.

If I stay humble, I will not stumble… If I trust in God, I know that hope and change will follow.  That is promised to me in the Bible and in the rooms of recovery.  That is what I see in the faces of the people in those rooms and what I hear in their voices of recovery.

Humility is best prayed like this: God grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I am grateful for my sobriety and that I am humble enough today to let God take the wheel of my life.  Coming up on three years clean and sober and only by the grace of God am I able to share this journey with you all.  I appreciate you all reading, and I ask you to share this blog link on your Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter pages so that someone out there that needs to hear this can. 

If you are using right now. . .stop and get to a meeting.

If you are struggling, it's okay. . . help is only a prayer away.