Lessons in recovery . . .

When’s the last time you gave up something central to your life?  I started with the food I consume…specifically sugar.  I made it 16 hours – but I was asleep for 8 of those.  How many people do you know that can even stick to a New Year’s resolution?  Before I graduated college, I would have told you that I had rarely met a person with the motivation, determination, or perseverance to really accomplish those kinds of goals, and make them last.  I suppose I had never really encountered people engaged in recovery at that point – because it doesn’t even compare. 

I started taking classes in college about drugs, addiction, and counseling.  I knew I wanted to “help” people and change lives.  It was impossible to predict that I would be the one with a major life change.  My first experience started with a class assignment: make it to a few AA/NA meetings.  I entered that building thinking that I would observe (and probably feel awkward), take some notes, write my paper, and go on with my semester.  The last thing I expected was how unbelievably welcoming each person was – just thankful to be there.  Being able to see the support, drink the coffee, and hear the stories was the first clue for me that I had so much more to gain than to give.  

Almost instantly my question shifted from:
“what do I have to offer?” to “what do I have to learn?”

Perseverance.  Patience.  Persistence.

Support.  Spirituality.  Strength.

Courage.  Commitment.  Community.

I had never encountered so many inspiring people in my life.  I wholeheartedly believe that an entire room full of well-groomed celebrities delivering perfectly written speeches could be silenced with the words of one person in recovery.  I know I was.  When things are going completely wrong for someone in recovery, do you know what they do?  They come prepared with gratitude lists.  I struggle to not let a cold cup of coffee ruin my entire morning, let alone be THANKFUL.  I was in a room full of people supporting one another.  I can’t even get online without seeing judgmental comments flooding meaningless posts, but I was surrounded by love from perfect strangers just trying to push each other (and myself) toward better lives.

           Well-meaning people (at least I think some of them mean well) crowd my Facebook timeline.  Controversy about addiction.  I could read a thousand articles and seek a thousand opinions, but nothing compares to being quiet and really LISTENING to someone’s story.  At the end of the day I could give up sugar for a day, exercise for a week, and attempt to establish routines in my life…but they are routines in my life.  Someone in recovery is building a whole NEW life.  I have yet to encounter someone that gave up drugs and said “there…fixed.”  I meet people who are changing who they hang out with, where they go, what they do, and how they live.  They do all of this WHILE they deal with the past.  

I have heard strength through the sound of a voice cracking, holding back tears, facing another day.  I have seen people get clean despite the world fighting against it – despite the community fighting against it.  I have witnessed courage as people walk away from past friends, family members, and loved ones because they know it is the only way to change their life.  I quickly learned that it really does not matter how someone got to addiction (trust me though, if you had half the experiences some people in recovery have had, then you might have chosen a similar path).  What matters is the fight.  No one fights like someone pursuing recovery.  Fighting their past, the day, the drug itself, the situations, the people, and the judgmental Facebook comments.  I have been wordless on more than one occasion as I encounter people working full time, raising families, and continuously striving toward one more day clean.  One day at a time.

People in recovery inspire me because I have never had my life completely wrecked by drugs and I still struggle.  I have never had to rearrange my entire life and start over and I still struggle.  I have never had to make choices half as hard as someone in recovery and I still struggle.  If the world’s view was correct, then never picking up a drug should have determined that my life would be easy and simple, but I still struggle.  I sit in my struggles, and I let them bring me down.  We all do that some days.  But my life has changed in big ways - because I go to work and feel more inspired than any song, book, or movie could instill in me.  I go to work and I meet fighters, warriors.  It makes me want to stop giving up when life gets inconvenient.  I want to work harder and be a better person because I have met some of the greatest people in the world.  I want to be strong and thankful and patient and nonjudgmental because those are the kind of people I am surrounded by each day. 

I want to love God louder because I’ve seen the miracles of a spiritual transformation in SO many lives.

Humility doesn’t begin to describe the journey you take when you make the slightest attempt to see someone’s point of view, walk in their shoes, or sit with them where they are.  Thankful isn’t a loud enough word to express how I feel about the people in recovery I have encountered and how they have changed my life.  I would encourage anyone to start supporting other people in their fight, and to take a second before making judgments about people you don’t know – make that your New Year’s resolution and see if you can make it last (like someone in recovery).  

If you are struggling, it’s okay…help is only a prayer away.