I have heard it said that the greatest motivator for change is someone in your corner
who has stood with you, rooted for you, prayed for you, and thought of you
often. A person who can see the pain your in and also the pain that you have
caused them and they can selflessly look past all that pain you caused and
offer you encouragement and prayer.
My addiction has caused so much pain to my
family but even early on in my prison sentence they were there for me and they
too recovered by me being away. One of the first letters that I received was
from my son, Seth, who in his own way motivated
me for my change.
Just as a background, I received this
while I was in maximum security where I could not make calls, watch television
and had no idea what was going on in the world for 38 days. I was here waiting
to be sent to my treatment in prison. IT WAS HELL.
Dear Father Shane,
Hello, my name is Seth Beal. Things have been good at school.
Doing good in all my classes. Went to go see "The Revenant" with
Leonardo DiCaprio in it. Also went to go see the "Hateful Eight" (the
new Quentin Tarentino movie). Papaw about killed us because he hated it so bad.
LOL! The NFL playoffs have been some of the best in recent years. The Packers
and the Cardinals game was legendary. You would have loved it. Avery and Elijah
and everyone loves and misses you. Think and pray for you everyday. Hope we can
see you soon. I know it's tough but just keep your head up and Don't drop the
soap!!! I know you will get through this and be a greater man then ever and be
a role model for everybody you meet. WE BELIEVE IN YOU!
Your Favorite Child,
Seth Eric Beal
p.s. I farted on this Paper and I hope you can smell it.
Wow, so I just cried again and laughed again!! What catches me
is this: in a time when I should have been watching those movies and the games
with my son, he was still okay and he thought enough of me to let me know what
was going on. My family was there for him when I couldn't be. That is huge.
At the end of the day, the last half of his letter (minus the p.s.) was a
catalyst for my change and for me falling on my knees and looking up. I
couldn't have done it without letters like this and there were many. But, when
your son who YOU LET DOWN OVER AND OVER says, WE BELIEVE IN YOU......the only
place you can look is up because that is a miracle from GOD. Healing and forgiveness doesn't happen without the hope of something bigger and better than all the pain of our past. Healing like that only happens by the mercy and grace of God.
Yesterday, I wrote about the aloneness in prison and I just want to take a moment to reiterate that point. I was blessed to receive mail, books, cards, and pictures from many people who were there to support me in my most difficult time. That is not the case for most of the men that I did time with. If you have a cousin, a friend, a son, a daughter, or an enemy who is in prison, take the time to write them. It will mean so much to them and it will help you realize that you can make a difference in someone's life and maybe even experience some healing and forgiveness in your own life. . . after all, we all need help at some point in our life.
We all need some mercy, grace and forgiveness and the best way to get it is to give it away first.
If you are struggling, it's okay, help is only a prayer away.
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