I wash and wax the outside and sweep, power-wash, and clean the windows of the inside. Sidebar - it's probably a heat index of 120 degrees in this bus. I thought school buses were big as a kid but they seem giant today. This is yet another humbling day in the life of a recovering addict. Sure, I've been humbled a lot these days . . . but school buses. . .
My life as seen the loss of many friendships, my family, my law license, my job, my freedom, but, most of all . . . I lost me. I lost the essence of me. On this day it seems that my addiction was devastating and complete. I was clean and not using but man, I was still paying the price for my addiction.
Cleaning school buses was just the next thing on my NOT TO DO list that I was easily perfecting on my road to recovery. My recovery journey has led me down some roads I would have never taken prior to prison. One of those roads opened up in the middle of cleaning that bus. I was a hot mess of hard work, humidity, humility, and not in the best of moods when my phone rang. . . My life, like it has so many times in the last three years, changed that day.
I was hired to work at Grant-Blackford Mental Health and that meant I could stop cleaning school buses (well, after I finish this one). That day was the first day I knew my life would be dedicated to helping others in recovery.
It's been said that who could better help a person devastated by addiction than someone who has already been there? Who better to walk with someone who is struggling than someone who has struggled down that same road. Who better to understand and appreciate how much it sucks to pee in a cup in front of a probation officer than someone who has to do the same thing.
I look back on that day and realize that God had a plan for me and it wasn't to clean school buses. I am grateful today.
What is God's plan for you? What are you doing about it? Are you even listening?
If you are struggling, it's okay....help is only a prayer away.
-- Shane
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